Haircut and an anniversary

Aglet got his hairs cut today! Very quiet and still during the haircut. After that, we had lunch.

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Today is his two year finding day anniversary. Please don’t say congratulations. Two years ago, his birth parents got him dressed, said goodbye, and left him somewhere where he’d be found quickly. He’s not lucky– that is a purely awful thing to happen to a sweet baby. We are lucky, because we get to raise him, we get to see his shining face in the morning, we get to be the ones who hear “Mama! Baba!” and have him run headlong into us. But I am so sad for him, and for his birth parents.

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12 responses »

  1. All the love and caring that you are giving him and will continue to do, and all the exciting and sae adventures that he is and will experience with you and the fact that he knows that you lone him and cherish him and will protect him from all the other terrible things that life may have lurking around him and all of us may not ever erase what he has been through, but he will learn that life can be wonderful. I am sorry for his other family, but thrilled for him and for us.

  2. Don’t be too sad for him-he will grow up with your sensibilities and be sad for his first family, maybe, but if they knew what has happened to him and will continue to happen, they would be joyful.

    • No, they wouldn’t, Mom. They’d still be sad he was over here with us instead of being able to be raised by them. It’s not zero-sum — the joys and the sorrow don’t cancel each other out. They are added in different columns, and yes, there’s going to be a huge amount of joy, but it doesn’t make the pain this all started with go away or not matter.

  3. What a hard and sad decision for his birth parents to have to make. I feel sad for them, and for him having to go through that, even as I feel joy seeing him with you.

  4. Someone on FB linked to this article (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/05/fashion/untying-a-birth-mothers-hands-modern-love.html?_r=1&smid=fb-share) and called it a beautiful essay. I definitely have mixed feeling about this. On the one hand, the writer idealizes and romanticizes the preservation of an adopted child’s birth family’s customs… and on the other, she clearly sees that by removing the child from the family, she has disrupted them in a way that might not ever be resolved, so that the birth mother not only created a broken link between herself and her daughter, but also between herself and her own mother. The writer is obviously uncomfortable with the juxtaposition of her relatively extreme wealth/privilege and that of the impoverished birth mother. I found this very hard to read, and I did not find it beautiful. My heart just breaks for that birth mother. So I think I may have an inkling of what you are trying to say… as a doula that now works with parents who are struggling with infant loss, I wonder how much support relinquishing parents are given in these situations. It’s a different grief than death… but it must hurt just as much in some ways. And it must be so very difficult to put yourself in the midst of the process that, of necessity, causes such grief. I’m glad to see an adoptive parent acknowledge it, and I’m looking forward to hearing more about your thoughts and feelings about it, if you are willing to share them.

    That looks more like a candy store than a barber shop! He looks so handsome!

  5. It is awful that such a little boy already has a sad history. There is no way for it not to be a sad story for all of them.

  6. Every adoption begins in loss for certain. I like to think I would have anyway, but since I am related to the kiddo’s birth mother it was very easy to join her in her feelings of grief.

  7. This is the hardest thing about adoption in my opinion. Every adoption starts with some kind of deep loss. It is something we as adoptive parents have to acknowledge and hopefully help our children through it. You are absolutely correct that many many joys will come but they do not cancel out the loss–both are always there.

  8. That sounds tough for everyone involved, and not just the hairscut.

    As he gets older, when will he celebrate his birthday with his friends? Is that a date you have already picked? Though it doesn’t balance out anything, it might be a small bonus to never be able to have an astrologer officially be a pain in the ass.

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